Hello, happy new year!
Please allow myself to introduce….myself. Well, you know.
I figured now would be a good time to reintroduce myself, and why this blog is here and a little about me. I’m sure keen eyed folks can piece together somethings about me, but why not start this new phase of my journey right. Currently I am a part-time creative, but I need to ramp that up. 2024 for me will be a year of healing myself and a shift in my journey towards self discovery and mastery. I am a full-time office manager, married, home-owning millennial. I feel like I’m an anomaly with just that alone.
Like so many others from my (and many other generations) I am a survivor of trauma. I won’t go into all of it now, but I will say my immediate family has been mostly supportive of me. My mom let me become who I am without much question, but with guidance and my aunt was the same. That isn’t to shit on any of my other family members, but I feel those closest and most bonded to those two. I have gained and lost family and friends over the years due to a variety of reason, so like so many I understand loss.
This blog for me is a multifaceted, precious gem, but the main thing is to help. Even though a lot of this is self reflective and observational, with hints of reviews & other areas, I want my lived experience to be able to help others, or at the very least entertain. There is enough bullshit and misinformation in the world, I want to give people some balance, advice, and maybe help someone feel seen, and be the adult my inner child needed. I am not a licensed clinician, therapist, etc I, like a favorite character of mine, am just a simple man trying to make my way through the galaxy.
I am not religious, in that I don’t follow a specific religious doctrine, but I am spiritual. I am definitely not the stereotypical man, let alone black man and we’ll delve into that a bit further. I love to learn, love to be creative, and really enjoy helping people. I think this is why I’m okay with people coming to me to vent, trying to make someone laugh on a bad day, etc. I utilize Twitch, social media, and this blog to share a bit of myself and potentially be/bring the change someone needs in their life.
Let’s dig a little deeper, maybe it will clear up some things, or make me more/less relatable. I dunno, but here we go.
So a few things a little less known about me, I am into the “woo woo” side of things which would explain my first book review. I’m meaning how to read/work with Tarot and Oracle cards, and my mother (and aunt) are also tarot readers. I’ve been the weird spooky kid since I was younger. I feel like I had heightened sense of awareness (I could feel changes in vibes in some places), and have seen ghosts and had some weird shit happen to me that I can’t explain. I was into ghost hunting, vampires, stones, and the occult. But I locked that side away for many years, like so many other things. I haven’t settled on a title, but that is pretty normal for me. I consider witch but I feel like that has a lot of white history behind that, and I would like to be tied to my culture(s). I am working on learning other areas of spirituality & Magick, but that is a conversation for another time.
While I do identify as male, (he/him) I don’t know if I can say 100% that I am heterosexual, which isn’t something I have really admitted openly (I may have mentioned it in the pride post), but there you have it. I have always been more sensitive, though as I grew older I grew more cynical and guarded because I had to be. I have a funny story about how the universe works & my dad, but, another time if I haven’t already posted it.
I also consider myself to be a creative type, but wouldn’t go as far and say I am a writer or I am an artist. I love writing and art, but again those were things I locked away at various points of my life, and am now trying to reconnect with (sorry to my inner child for that, I did you so dirty, but we are working on healing now).
I am also a twitch streamer, though I don’t have a schedule right now since I do have a 9-5. In a perfect world I would survive off twitch, voice acting, and my creative pursuits; Making my dreams a reality have/will be tough. I have given up so much to survive to this point, I really owe it to myself to get back to things I love, but I am also my biggest and worse critic. My current self appointed homework is to find my Ikigai (which is basically the meeting point of what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, & what you can be paid for). I’m stuck on figuring what I’m good at, I’m not really a humble person, but I don’t brag about myself. When I do it’s at face value, not something I internalize, for example My boss was complaining about one of the vendors we used and why they were so bad about sending invoices on time and I said, “It’s because they don’t have a good office manager, you’re lucky, you have me to keep things in order.” Did I honestly believe that? Not really, but I will keep telling myself this kind of stuff so that one day I will believe it. Also that could be years of trauma, I was bullied in grade school, kinda picked on in highschool, and even today someone will comment something that may bother me but I usually let it slide (but that is a whole other upcoming blog post).
I wear many hats, like many of us do, but I really want to find what I love and do it til I die. As kids we are constantly asked what we want to be when we grow up, and I think about all the things I said but gave up on. Okay a stuntman would have been interesting, but I actually befriended a stunt person later in life and they had the back fucked up in a stunt, so probably good I didn’t pursue that. Probably good I didn’t pursue being a wrestler for the same reason, and I have never been in great shape/athletic. Some of the other things I feel like were more realistic, but as of now I have shelved; I’m probably not going to become a voice actor, or successful artist, or successful writer, or get to travel and document the world. It sometimes makes me sad to think about, but honestly it’s okay, well sort of. I can at least pay my bills, feed, clothe, and shelter myself and I’m lucky enough to find some joys in life, and those are definitely things to be grateful for.
I wish I could say fear of uncertainty kept me from pursuing my dreams, but it was a combination of things: Fear, lack of confidence, and family issues would be the top three, with the lack of confidence being the biggest, I always made friends with folks who were better at the things I wanted for myself, but instead of that creating a determined spirit, it formed a hesitant/indecisive one. I am working on healing the years of damage, but I feel like most of the blame falls on myself.
So yeah.
That is a little of my background. I don’t overshare to seek pity or beg for donations or anything, but if you are taking the time to read my blog, even if you don’t say anything, the least I can do is share a little of me with you. Now I will plug myself below so you can connect if you’d like, but don’t feel obligated.
I do have a discord server, but it’s tied to twitch so if I get bigger on twitch I will open the Discord. You can find me on Twitch here: https://www.twitch.tv/seekerowl
My Kofi account is here: https://ko-fi.com/seekerowl814
And once my other projects are up and running I will update you!
Let’s all work on becoming the best versions of ourselves, and find that Ikigai.
Later days
~Owl
The World Through My Eyes 