Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Well, yes and no, but we’ll get to that in a bit.
If you are reading this, you made it to the end of 2024, we both did, and I am proud of us. This year like many others has been a rollercoaster of good days, bad days, and everything in between. I know for me personally it was a challenging year, I felt/feel very stagnant at work, writing has been hard this year, and there was a brief period where I was seriously planning to not make it to my 39th birthday. Some close relationships got severely tested, friendships scrutinized, spirituality strengthened, family bonds tightened, it felt like the second longest decade after 2020.
I watched America mourn democracy, further dividing itself, only for the realizations to hit the other side. The oncoming administration doesn’t care about you either and you fell for the snake oil salesman’s ruse.
I’ve seen the horrors Israel has committed against Palestinians, under the guise of targeting Hammas. Acts of genocide committed by a group that saw there own people deal with the same/similar mistreatment at the hands of the nazi’s, but now they are stepping into the shoes of their former oppressors.
I’ve seen scenes of war in the Ukraine, where the underdog has been fighting to push back a very large oppressive force, even if the force had some outdated equipment. But that too could have just been a ruse. Russia has been busy interfering in elections. Maybe they could focus all their efforts on Ukraine, but now their hands are a bit more free…And there was so much more that has happened.
I’ve see the rise of AI and the troubles it brings, but not just AI, social media in general has grown unchecked and toxic. With few places actively keeping out the racists, pedos, and general hate mongers (doesn’t that sound like a captain planet villain or is it just me? General H. Monger? I digress.) With that, I have witnessed how real brain rot is and how it’s affecting some of today’s youth.
It’s been a hell of a year, with the bad overshadowing much of the good, there have been great strides in fighting climate change around the world, there is always new discoveries, new advances in health and medicine, and people are learning through the actions of other, that the individual does have power against the c.e.os of mega corporations.but rarely does american media focus on that or when they do they spin it in another direction. Hopefully the rest of the world has seen some of the good this year had to offer.
Now the year closes out and the next act is about to begin. No one really knows what’s in store for the world, but we all prepare in our own way. This is the time of “out with the old, in with the new” or “new year, new me!” or whatever other bs we tell ourselves to brace for the new year. So I will add my two cents there: It doesn’t matter what your short sighted goals are if you don’t put honest work into them. That isn’t always your fault, but know it takes work and discipline, just like all real change. I wanted to write more, stream more, be more involved in my friends and families lives, work on more creative projects, eat better, incorporate more physical activity, finish my Mando armor so I could join the MMCC, work more on my craft, build the book that will eventually become my tome, etc. And while I did do some of that I feel like I didn’t accomplish nearly as much as I had wanted. Some of it was due to lack of discipline, but much of it was due to mental health struggles. I have felt burnt out for the last few years and currently don’t have a healthy way to relieve that because of financial constraints. I would like to take a trip somewhere new (preferably warm, but not a true requirement) and scenic where I can just relax and enjoy things at my own pace. Unfortunately, I don’t often have the time to do that in my daily life except on the weekends, when I have them available. I’m always doing something or being pulled in many directions, or have to pick up additional chores, so when I do get a little time to myself I use it to escape through video games.
I understand and see the cycle, but it’s been my only saving grace on some days. On a day where I feel like I don’t have much control, I can jump in a game and live a different life, or enjoy the freedom that character has. And while I do have to return to the real world after a while it gives me the chance to adventure, see places, experience new things and meet new people. All of the things I want my creative outlets to do for me.
I write to share interesting ideas and stories that may provide a distraction for someone else, or provide some insights, but deep down that is a connection I want to build to my reader, same with the blog, though the blog is more personal, and same with twitch/streaming. I feel very disconnected and these are ways for me to connect with people through a medium I enjoy, which I am now realizing, most of my hobbies are pathways to connections to others. Weird. I never thought about that or made that connection until write now (see what I did there? Pun fucking intended!)
So my resolution for next year I think will be to make more time to do what I want to do, to live for myself. It is okay to be there for others of course because being useful is another thing that drives me, but I need to be there for myself, because there are things only I can do or say to myself. There are struggles that few, if any others see, but I know they are there. I have spent so much time being supportive for others and at times I don’t feel that same support. I give physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially, but it’s time I invest in myself, my wants, my needs. I am the main character in my story, but I put that role away to focus on being the side character in everyone else’s story. That alone is probably enough to eat at my sanity, stability, and self-worth, so I need to quit that shit I can be a side character in your story, but I need to focus on being the main character in my own story. I owe it to myself and my inner child to love myself and not sacrifice all that I am to please others. I will be making me a priority, and my really supporters will be okay with that, I’m not going to become a selfish recluse, I still want to help people, and I enjoy being able to support other, but I don’t feel like I am receiving what I am putting out in the universe, and that has gone on for far too long.
I need to invest in myself, and you should do the same for yourself. In my part of the world things are dying as the winter chill pauses the goings on, so it’s the perfect time to do some self reflection. What has been working, what needs to change and where do you go from here? I have been reflecting a lot on the state of things lately, some of what I noticed is good, some bad, but all can be lessons to help plot the next course. We don’t have to dwell on history, though we do anyway, we can learn from it and move on.
So one more time before we wrap up this part of the midwestern goodbye: Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?
Yes, and no. You don’t have to forget them, if they are important to you today for the right reasons then absolutely reflect and reminisce about them or with them if you still can. I have had some periods recently where I just remembered positive moments in my life and just cried, because I miss those times, or walking around in old areas and seeing all the new (sometimes terrible) development and waves of sad nostalgia hits, because I wasn’t ready for those places to be gone, but they will continue to live in my mind and in my heart.
My goal is to make peace with my past so when good memories come up I can smile, and when bad ones come up they don’t hurt anymore and I can see the lessons within them. There is an anime/manga series I love called Fruits Basket, it’s about the Chinese Zodiac and is a really good read, highly recommended. There is a character named Momiji and he is telling Tohru about an especially painful memory, but finishes it all with a quote that really hits:
“I don’t think there are any memories that are okay to forget. None. I think…. I want to live with all my memories. Even if they’re sad memories. Even if they’re memories that only hurt me. Even if they’re memories I’d rather forget. If I keep them and keep trying, without running away… If I keep trying, then someday…I’ll be strong enough that those memories can’t defeat me. I want to think that there’s no such thing as a memory that’s okay to forget”
So, it’s not that old acquaintances should be forgotten, but if they were bad for your life, your growth, your happiness, or the relationships you value. They shouldn’t be in your life but maybe they taught you something about yourself, life, etc so for that, they can be acknowledged in your heart and mind, but no reason to dwell. Then hopefully if a memory surfaces, you can remember the lessons, thank it and let it go, but it won’t cause you pain.
This is about the part of the midwestern goodbye where you are in your car getting ready to head out but we’re still chatting.
Today I am celebrating the end of this year/ beginning of next year a little differently. That is to say I’m shifting my thought process. I want this transitional period to include my aspirations for the new year and for the road ahead.
I am writing this blog today not only to reflect, and update my readers, but also because I want there to be much more writing down the road.
I will stream with today or tomorrow because I want to do that more, whether it’s just to/for myself, or a million people. I want to enjoy streaming and build a positive community, because I feel like that will be important going into the new year.
I will work on something artistic, to express something in my soul. Being able to express oneself is important in growing and thriving. Paint, dance, write, create music, photograph the world around you! Everything changes but these mediums can capture time.
I will spend time with some family and friends, because I want to make sure I make time to do so in the new year as well.
I will make time for myself, I will make time for magic, I will make time for love, I will make time for reflection, I will make time for reading. And whether it’s a lot or a little I will celebrate my successes and learn from my failures.
May the universe treat you as you treat others. May the new year bring change in the right direction. And may love win, always.
Later days.
~Owl
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The World Through My Eyes 