Wasted?

I feel like we all waste time in one way or another, and “wasting time is a bit subjective.You may see someone sitting around doing nothing and think that person is wasting time, but you didn’t see all the work they just did, but that isn’t the kind of wasted time/effort i’m talking about today, today is more about letting go, reflecting, moving on basically:

Don’t waste time being unhappy.

That is already a bit loaded, so let’s break that down further. What I mean is don;t waste time/energy/effort on things you can’t change or that don’t matter, especially with toxic people, things, or ideas. If someone is constantly beating you down whether subtly or overtly, those are people that don’t deserve your energy or focus. Holding grudges, being “negatively” jealous of others’ success, letting those negatives live rent free in your head isn’t okay, it eats at you and makes you waste time. How? Let’s look at an example:

Example A:

You are the type of person that wants to help everyone be happy, at the cost of your own happiness. What happens is that you have people take advantage of this, and wonder why after being around them you feel so drained. Have you ever had a friend or family member that you were always there for but when you needed them their help came with a lecture, or strings attached, or not at all? 

In that relationship your kindness or support is being wasted on a leech/vampire, instead of focused on a more meaningful person or area.Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see how toxic it is (and don’t beat yourself up if that sounds like you or if you are in a familiar situation). It’s a lot easier to see what wants to drag you in the sea when you are on a boat rather than treading water. 

What sucks is even those that are a bit more self aware can fall into the same traps, take the next example

Example me:

I consider myself pretty self aware in some areas, but I am still learning and growing, and as long as you are breathing you should be growing to be your best self. I like to help people to the detriment of myself, that isn’t always a good thing it’s situational. I try to be there for all my circle as best as I can, ready to help, but sometimes when people come to me with a problem they just want to vent, whereas I want to fix their problem. That can cause issues for me because I may feel slighted or offended that someone didn’t take my advice (even though they didn’t ask for it) or they may be offended because they wanted to fix their own issue but wanted to talk it out first.

I have mentioned before that recently I lost two people that I thought cared about me. They are still alive, but we don’t speak anymore. At first it was hard because I had invested so much time, energy, and effort being there for them and supporting them but they basically cut me out of their life, seemingly like it was nothing. I took it hard, I was angry, I was wasting time in the past instead of taking a more positive approach sooner. A better way to process would have been to do for me what I would do for a friend, take a step back and look at the situation then assess. Was it a relationship worth saving, was it mutually beneficial or one sided? Who was at fault? All that type of stuff. I wanted so much to be helpful to someone. I looked past the red flags I pointed out to others, because they were my friends. I was too close to the situation. But like leaving a bad job for a better one, I got clarity when I stepped back. The friendship with one person was take take take and they left me exhausted in many ways, and the other person I thought was different, but they held so tight to their own pain it was frustrating. They were type to dwell on insignificant stuff forever just to hold it over people’s head and that is no way to live.

Recently one of them did some childish inappropriate things, and my first instinct was to be mad and rip into them, but I have been trying to tame that beast. Instead I did reach out, but just to say don’t do that, be respectful to me as I am doing the same to you even though there is bad blood.

It is much easier said than done, but people have to learn to redirect their energy. Don’t waste time with pettiness, be careful where you place your energy and with whom. I didn’t realize how much lighter I felt after they cut me out of their lives, I’ve been happier, even my bad days aren’t as bad because I still have friends and family that genuinely care about me and sometimes it’s a battle who can out nice the other, and those are the best battles, born from a mutual kindness..

Remember we are limited in how long we are in this current life, so make the best of it! Don’t waste it by being jealous of friends’ success, learn to be happy for them! Don’t waste time being negative to yourself, love yourself and live as your best authentic self, and remember that may change as time goes on! I feel like friendly rivalries can be kinda healthy, but don’t dwell on grudges, anger, or hatred; I am not saying you have to love everyone, but make sure your circle is a good one. Make sure whatever you plant in your garden is what you want. If you want to be surrounded by flowers but you feed the weeds, guess what little creeps will take over.

Look, I work in customer service and I have seen first hand how a little kindness goes a long way. So when you can, be kind, teach kindness, and respect the kindness of others. If you are in a situation where the kindness you give isn’t being returned or something feels off, take inventory of your present life, do some shadow work, learn your needs. If you are better able to care for yourself you’ll be better able to care for others.

So let it be.

Later days

~Owl